Honest Newborn

Listening to Bahia by Xiomara Alfaro , and Malaguena by Xiomara Alafaro, with the Ernesto Duarte Orchestra and Chico O’ Farril. I did not make that up.

It has been some time since my last blog, and confession for that matter. The festive season interupted, but has left me with a number of anecdotes that I am afraid I will share in the next blog. However, I feel that I must address a couple of questions that have been raised regarding the accuracy of some of my posts.

I have been known as Honest Newborn ever since I handed in the glass eye at the bar. The suggestion that some of the posts may in fact have been written by Voltaire, is obviously nonsense.

1: In a previous post I spoke of the piper, MacTaggart, and his fall from grace (and the top of the tower). Well, for those of little faith, here is photographic evidence of MacTaggart, bidding a fond farewell to the dummy, prior to its release from the battlements. It should be noted that MacTaggart is in fact the one without the beard. This can easily be ascertained by the evil grin he is displaying at the thought of the chaos and panic that is about to ensue. If you look carefully, you can in fact see a half bottle tucked in the plaid of the dummy (the one with the beard) that MacTaggart obviously missed prior to launching it into space and the Hog Roast stand.

The funeral of the dummy piper was held the following day, with a boy scout guard of honour, and it has been suggested that MacTaggart played the piobaireachd Too long in this condition as the coffin was disposed of.

2: It is absolutely the case, that my 6x great grandfather was in fact the last court jester at Barclay Castle. His tragic end is preserved in the family papers. One day he fell from the minstrels’ gallery and broke his neck. The old Duke of Barclay commented, “That’s the funniest thing the bastard has ever done”.

3: It is absolutely true, I am working on my telenovella script. Set in Scotland it is called Santos contra el cazador de haggis. Santos is a masked Mexican wrestler. Santa is not. Only Santos features in the telenovella. Santa however, can be seen relaxing in a post Christmas haze, having a tune with his little helpers below. I think he must believe in God and be painfully employed, as he does not appear to be in heaven, but Champaign, Illinois.