It’s been a strange couple of days. I left a hat on the bed, a sure sign of death, the cows walked backwards, 13 black cats ran past me and threw themselves in the loch and I spilled the salt. You can read too much into omens though. Whilst not superstitious, being a man of science and technology, I am quite happy it wasn’t Friday 13th. Actually, did you know, Friggatrikaidekaphoria is the term for the morbid fear of Friday the 13th? You never know when that will come in handy.
Listening to: Basil Henriques and the Waikiki Islanders – Strangers in the Night
Anyway, I digress… now celebrity or not, I am just the same as everyone else. Like any normal person I head to the local shop for another litre of freshly squeezed Buffalo milk, and that is where the day started to get odd.
The shop was packed with at least 4 people, all telling and retelling the same story – old Jeni had vanished from the old folks home. Not being much of a breakfast fan myself, nothing odd in me missing the most important meal of the day, but Jeni, that was different. Worse still, her room had been cleared.
So where is the supernatural in that you ask? Well that was when Alex made his contribution to the discussion, announcing she had been stolen by a demon. “I know you are doubters” he cried, “but its true! The home has been freezing for the last four days, and now, it is roasting – heated by the fires of hell itself!”
He even claimed he could smell brimstone, but I think that was added for effect – who can smell anything over the combination of ralgex, urine and bisodol?
At that very moment, the door of the shop burst open, the bell above the door tinkling like the chimes of midnight. In walked two strangers… lean, cold eyed and hungry, and wearing boiler suits as black as the Earl of Hell’s waistcoat. You could have heard a pin drop, or Alex’s teeth clank. One walked to the counter, slapped a gnarled hand down, and said “Can I have a couple of pies please?” He didn’t even want warm pies!
Turned out they were there to service the crematorium. I guess they had their own oven for the pies. The council had sent them to install a new heating pump that meant heat from the crematorium would heat up public buildings like the old folks home. Tasteless if you ask me, but that is the council for you.
What happened to poor old Jeni remains a mystery, and sometimes maybe its better left that way.
Atomic Crofter 